Contemplations

Here I am, in a situation wherein it seems like you have plans in place but how will you do that when you can’t do it, you have to wait, to earn some things before you can pursue it. Maybe this is the best time to test my patience.

The thrill in me to pursue what I want is still there, but there are cynical thoughts bursting. What if I will not make it and will regret it someday?!?

On the other hand, I want to do it for my future, for my future family and most especially for myself. There is no greater feeling than doing or having what you’ve always wanted.

I’ve been having these thoughts of being away from your family, your home and being in a new world. Maybe, right now, I’m just looking at this bad side of pursuing that dream, maybe I’ll just have to focus on the positive side of it. With His help I know and I’m confident that I will make it. This is now the right time to take that chance, and be the best that I can be.

I think it’s just right to think that there is no smooth way in taking this risk, rather than thinking that it will always be okay, with no bumpy road along the way. For in this way, I’m preparing myself on what might happen. It’s not like you want it to happen, but hoping that it will not.

I can say that right now I am in my comfort zone, a very comfy zone, but I’m ready to turn my back on that to prove something to myself. I don’t have to prove something to anyone else, but to myself alone.

Independence doesn’t mean you can do anything you want but rather doing the right things for yourself, for other people, and being able to make your own decisions, and be accountable of the consequences of it. I want to take that independence that I need. Though, right now, I can say that I’m independent, without my parents around, but still there is no greater feeling than taking that path, without them guiding you…and it’s you alone.

I know that there are people who love me and will support me in this new course that I will take. They are the one who add up the courage that I have. I just hope that they will not give up on me and I’m grateful that there are people who will help around.

26 years

April 18, 1982 was the date; the wedding day of my mom and dad. It's been 26 years. Today, many will consider this as an achievement. I've been a witness on every struggle, every problem, every trouble, every quarrels and every triumph they've been thru. I couldn’t help but feel proud that my parents still keep the love they have for each other. I’ve witness on how they quarrel; shouting each other and how they will patch things up, laughing on it and making us, their children, laugh at them too.

I just wish that I could spend more time with them. May God grant them long life to see us, their children, getting married; to see their grandchildren and be able to spend time playing with them. I’m looking forward to that day when we all have to do is talk about life, learning more about life, and just share how we’ve been trough.

I looked at their wedding pictures last night and had a glimpse on their wedding invitation and I was struck by their wedding prayer.

Wedding Prayer

As hand in hand we enter
a life that is bright and new
May God look down from heaven
and bless the two of us
May He give us understanding
enough to make us kind
So we may judge each other
with our hearts and not our minds
May He teach us to be patient
as we learn to live together
Forgiving little “human rifts”
that arise in stormy weather
And may our love big enough
to withstand the strongest sea
So we may dwell forever
in love’s rich tranquility
Bless our wedding day, we pray,
and walk beside us, Father
through all our life together.
Amen

thankful

I’ve been going to Asian Hospital every Saturday for my check up on my left breast. I had undergone excision biopsy last Friday and fortunately it was successful. This experience had taught me something.

That, right now, I’m the only one who can look after myself. This incident had made me appreciate the people who had shown their care and concern. I never took this procedure as a matter of “life-and-death” situation, because I know it is indeed a simple operation. It just made me smile every time a cousin whom I haven’t talked for a long time called me, another cousin texted me checking how I’m doing, an aunt constantly checking on me. My friends with a constant text (thanks Berks) and most especially my family who had spend their dollars just to make sure I’m ok, calling me every day, morning and night.

Now, I realized that there are so many people who have loved me and loving me still. Why do I have to spend four months wallowing over that one person who had stopped loving me. Stop considering him as the only source of love.

Lastly, all the things (good or bad) we do will come back to us. Those good things I received will come back to the people who have shown their care and love. It will given to them not by me alone but by Him. Thanks guys!

Expectations

Today is the last day of the “love month” and I can’t help but to reminisce, as if in this month many things had made me realize… had conversations with my friends, and I can’t help but to think about it… I can’t ignore it. hehehe

One of things I discussed with a good friend was about “expectations”. She asked me if:

“Is it normal to feel jealous when one of your friends will not confide or tell you a secret but instead confide it with your other friends?” “If that’s the case, maybe they should not make you feel that you don’t know something?” “Maybe I’m expecting too much?’

At first, I don’t know what to say… I’ve been through that situation, and still struggling with that feeling. But, as if I’m expert in giving advice, I told her “its normal to feel that way, for I also felt that way but I’ve learned that there is no way but to accept that sometimes other people will not confide to you everything. Don’t expect them to value you as you have valued them. In short, don’t expect that much, for it will only make you sad, miserable and jealous. Lower your expectations. Another way is to share your expectations, you may tell them what you feel when they’re doing that.”

I can’t believe that I told her that, but as I look back, I can say that I had managed to do that -“lower your expectations”. I’ve also learned how to react when you’re expectations are not met.

Count your Blessings

It's true that when you only think of the bad things that's happening and that had happened to you, it will only make you unhappy.

Its true that when you will start realizing how blessed you are, you will be happy for who you are, for what you have and be able to accept the bad things that had happened to you. You will see the positive and brighter side of every situation.

Counting your blessings may not only include those material things that you have but for the people who have loved you unconditionally, for the time you had shared, for the way they had reach out to you, and just by the listening to you (this is really a blessing for me). These are the things that we think are not that important but as we go along the journey of life; we will realize that indeed this is what we have to do for each other.

Counting your blessings will also give you the enthusiasm to see God's plan for you. You will start realizing that God’s love endures, though you may have taken Him for granted by directing your life on your own.

Indeed, for everything that I have now… all I can say are these:

Thank you
Salamat
Gracias